Today was one of the hardest days to get my butt going. I hate living alone on days like today. The day starts grumpy, and I think it's easier to tell yourself to cheer up for the sake of another person's mood than to just smile for yourself. I guess that means I'm a wallower. Double helpings of self pity, poured on over the mud of Monday. I could at this point just be thanking God that I have a job, but that honestly didn't even cross my mind this morning. I'm childish enough still to just let that hate of Mondays fester, and I really let this one get the better of my entire morning.
So then, the music. First it was Tenth Avenue North: "satisfy me Lord, I'm begging you to help me see, you're all I want and all I need, so satisfy me Lord!" More songs, eventually I opened up enough to try and warble along with some truly beautiful voices! My day really did transition as I opened my mouth and just sang; it's like my heart wanted the joy and peace a song brings, while my mind reluctantly relinquished it's clutch on gloom and doom.
We do have one certainty each day; each day we do have to choose. We have to choose for ourselves if we want the good or the bad to rule our day. Naturally, I think I'm a pretty depressing person to be around. That's pretty hard to admit. But I do know that I enjoy being near people, and together we can be a joyful song to each other, and to God's ears. So what does God truly desire from me in my choices? And how much weight do I actually give to the answer to that question?
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